You are viewing squills

 
 
26 September 2008 @ 12:11 pm
Fic: Road (To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions) Trip (Peter, Mohinder, Angela, Sylar, PG)  
Title: Road (To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions) Trip
Rating: PG
Words: 3100
Characters: Mohinder Suresh, Peter Petrelli, Angela Petrelli, Sylar (and mentions of others)
Warnings: Total and utter crack. Extreme OOC-ness. Non-graphic poking of fun at the extreme slashiness of the show. A couple of cuss words. Sylar.
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for the season 3 premiere
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not writing this for profit.
A/N: levitatethis said in a comment earlier this week that she’d love to see the adventures of Mohinder and Peter as they tried to earnestly save the world, but inevitably made missteps. Ask, and ye shall receive. Unfortunately, what you receive may be total insanity. This is also part of my mission_insane fic quest, for the quote prompt "However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results" (Winston Churchill), and will probably be x-posted at heroes_fic and mylar_fic .

Summary: There are so many different ways to save the world...and so many different ways to screw it all up.


PETER: “You know, you’re right. Every time I’ve tried to change things, I’ve just made them worse.”

MOHINDER: “I agree. At least in the dystopian future you prevented, I didn’t wind up in bed with Maya.”

PETER: “And whenever you’ve tried to set things right, it hasn’t gone much better.”

MOHINDER: “Ahem. Yes. Well. Let’s just skip over the times that my research benefited Sylar, all right?”

PETER: “But maybe you’re right. Maybe if we work together cautiously, maybe, just maybe, we can finally find a way to set a good course for the world! Maybe...maybe both of our wrongnesses can make a rightful future!”

MOHINDER: “Peter, are you high?”

ANGELA [enters from living room]: “What’s going on here?”

PETER: “Mom, we’re going to save the future!”

ANGELA: “Who is ‘we’? You mean, you and...the cab driver who once brought your body back here? How...charming. Peter, how many times do I have to arrange for you and your brother’s deaths before you accept that I know more about saving the future than you do?”

PETER: “Don’t worry, Mom.” [puts hand on Mohinder’s shoulder] “This time...” [dramatic pause] “We’re going to get it right.”

ANGELA: “Peter! Peter, don’t you dare –” [sighs as they disappear] “Why didn’t I ignore the priests, and start taking birth control a year earlier?”

Trip the First

PETER: “Mom? We’re back! And we thought big this time! We went back to 1970 and killed Bob. So he was never around to warp the Company’s mission, or to take over when Mr. Linderman was killed!”

MOHINDER: “I must admit, we did feel some qualms about killing a man who was technically innocent at the time of his death. But in the end, we decided that in order to make an omelet, one must fracture some chicken ova. Um...Mrs. Petrelli? When did you change into that threadbare pantsuit?”

ANGELA: “Fools. You killed Bob without bothering to think about the ramifications. Where do you think the capital that the Company used for investment and purchasing came from? From Bob and his golden touch. Without him, the Company certainly didn’t grow beyond being a small organization of dreamers. But it turns out that the purchasing done by the Company was propping up a large section of the economy. Without the Company’s spending and involvement in the financial markets, the gas crisis of the 1970s wound up plunging the world into a second Great Depression, which it still hasn’t recovered from, 30 years later.”

PETER: “Ah...”

MOHINDER: “Um....”

ANGELA: “Care to make another witty comment about eggs?”

MOHINDER: “No, but I would like to distract you by complimenting you on how well the polyester in your garment sets off your lovely eyes.” [silence] “Or we could just get the hell out of here before you kill us using only the force of your vitriolic stare. Peter?”

Trip the Second

PETER: “Mom? We’re back again! After we put things back the way they were, we decided that we needed to look outside our own petty concerns and start to think bigger! And after we discussed it a while, we realized that one of the biggest threats to world peace today was the fighting in the Middle East.”

MOHINDER: “And because one of the biggest tension-causing factors in the last 40 years was the regime of Saddam Hussein –”

PETER: “We stopped him from taking control of Iraq! It was my idea!”

ANGELA: “Yes. Strongman Hussein never took control of Iraq. Which meant that when the Ayatollah took control of Iran, the Iraqi leaders didn’t have quite the same drive to initiate a war with his country. So Iran didn’t have eight years of fighting to drain away its time and resources. So by 1991, they had a working atomic bomb. And they used it. Israel and most of Europe are uninhabitable tombs. And before we wiped them out, we learned that they’d developed ICBMs, as well.”

MOHINDER: “I was wondering why you had those thick drapes over the windows.”

ANGELA: “Those aren’t drapes. They’re radiation shields. Congratulations, Peter – you’ve managed to blow up New York. Again.”

MOHINDER: “Ah. Yes. Well.”

PETER: “Maybe we should get going.”

Trip the Third

PETER: “Okay. This time, we brought about the collapse of the Soviet Union during Nikita Khrushchev’s rule. Russia gets 25 extra years of freedom! We've brough peace and prosperity to the world even earlier than before! Plus, I was really tired of hearing people praise Reagan for being the one to end communism.”

MOHINDER: “I didn’t realize you were a Democrat.”

PETER: “Oh, I’m not. I just never liked ‘Hellcats of the Navy’.”

ANGELA: “If you boys are done praising yourselves, maybe you’d like to face up to reality. The military threat of Russia was helping to keep China in check. When the Soviet Union dissolved into chaos, they felt free to openly march across Indochina. 1967 saw them land in Darwin, Australia; 1973 saw the fall of Madras; 1981 was the year that the Cultural Revolution was imposed on Turkey. During the 1990s, things were quiet as Mao’s successors solidified their rule. But then in 2006, the first cross-Pacific attack rained death upon San Francisco. I’m sorry to tell you this, Dr. Suresh, but your boyfriend died during the siege of New Beijing.”

PETER: “New Beijing?”

ANGELA: “The city formerly known as Los Angeles. The Fifth Army of the Glorious New Chrysanthemum Revolution established its headquarters there.”

MOHINDER: “Frankly, I’m a little more concerned about your statement regarding my boyfriend dying. I can assure you, I’m not gay.”

ANGELA: “You might not be correct about that. You did, after all, spend three weeks crying in our spare bedroom after his death.”

MOHINDER: “But I’m not gay!”

ANGELA: “I found your devotion to Captain Parkman rather...charming. If it makes you feel any better, the survivors told us that he died bravely. Or, at least, not too stupidly.”

MOHINDER: “Parkman? Parkman? I was sleeping with Parkman? Dear Lord...”

PETER: “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it.”

Trip The Fourth

PETER: “We went back and saved President Kennedy from being assassinated by wiping out Lee Harvey Oswald in 1961! Did the future change? Was the Vietnam War averted?”

ANGELA: “Actually, what happened was later that year, a young woman named Rachel Carson who had an unfinished manuscript was killed in a car wreck. So she never published Silent Spring. So the environmental movement never got started. And now, the average temperature has gone up 15 degrees, the polar ice caps are completely melted, the EPA doesn't exist and 58% of the population dies of toxin-induced cancer before the age of 50. Also, your niece Claire was born with three arms and a tail.”

MOHINDER: “Peter? Could I see you in private, for a second?”

PETER: “Okay. Look. If we built a large wooden badger–”

MOHINDER: [smacks Peter]

Trip The Fifth

PETER: “Mom, we went back to 1961 again, and this time we stopped the Company founders from even meeting each other! And because the Company was never founded, it never had the chance to imprison and torture specials, or to concoct schemes to develop deadly viruses! Mom?”

ANGELA: “I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

PETER: “Mom, it’s me! Peter!”

ANGELA: “You must be mistaking me for someone else. I don’t have any sons.”

PETER: “What?!?”

ANGELA: “I do have two daughters. Natalie, my oldest, graduated from Harvard Law with honors and is the first female senator from New York. My youngest, Penelope...I had high hopes for her. Of course, she was in love, so she just had to get married right out of high school. She promised she’d finish college, but her son Simon was born barely a year later. She did eventually get a nursing degree before she had her second son, Montgomery. Well...maybe one of them will turn out to be worth something.”

PETER: “Um...”

ANGELA: “It is good to see you again, though, Dr. Suresh.”

MOHINDER: “Come again?”

ANGELA: “You did such excellent work on my daughter’s Senate campaign. The health care policy you crafted was masterful, and your Nobel prize...well, I can’t believe it took them three whole years to award it to you after that cure for cancer that you developed!”

MOHINDER: “Oh. Oh! Really? Tell me more!”

PETER: “Mohinder, I think we need to get going–”

MOHINDER: “Let the lady speak, Peter! Carry on, Mrs. Petrelli!”

ANGELA: “Really, I don’t understand what’s gotten into you. You know my name is Angela Monroe.”

PETER: “Angela Monroe. Monroe. You mean–”

MOHINDER: “Peter? I think we were speaking of my Nobel Prize. Please continue, Madam, whatever your name may be.”

ANGELA: “I must admit, I entertained private hopes that you might convince my daughter to finally settle down. The two of you had gotten so close that I’d even begun thinking you might leave your boyfriend for her.”

MOHINDER: “Boyfriend? What...” [turns to Peter] “I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?”

ANGELA: “Perhaps you need to tell that to...Gabriel, is that his name? I’ve never understood what you saw in a watchmaker. He seems rather below someone of your status. More like the kind of layabout who my Penelope would feel empathy for.”

PETER: “What?!?”

MOHINDER: “What?!?”

ANGELA: “But, I suppose there’s no stopping true love.”

MOHINDER: “Peter...FIX THIS!”

Trip the Sixth

PETER: “Mom? Where are you? This time, we... Mom?”

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: “Peter, what’s that open mouth for, catching flies? I raised you better than that. Wipe your feet off and shut the door behind you. You weren’t born in a barn.”

PETER: “But you’re not –”

MOHINDER: “Just let me... I’m very sorry to intrude on you, Mrs., ah –”

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: “Petrelli.”

MOHINDER AND PETER (in unison): “Ah!”

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: “Sandra Petrelli.”

MOHINDER AND PETER (in unison): “Huh?”

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: [sharply] “Mr. Miggles! How many times do I have to tell you, keep your big ol’ paws off the sofa!” [A Great Dane guiltily trots out of the room]

PETER: “Yeah...okay...this time, YOU get to pick what we change.”

Trip the Seventh

PETER: “Mom? Mom? Are you there?”

MOHINDER: “Are you sure this is your family’s house? I don’t remember it being so...well...so sparely decorated. Or having so many bookcases.”

PETER: “It’s got to be. It’s the same location our house has always been in.”

MOHINDER: “And this time, we saved my sister’s life by preventing her from contracting the virus. That shouldn’t have a large effect on your family’s history.”

VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS: “Who’s there? And how did you get in here?”

MOHINDER: “Is that... is that...Sylar?!?”

SYLAR: [stepping out of shadows] “That’s Supreme Lord Sylar to you. Whoever you are.”

MOHINDER: “You don’t recognize me? It’s Mohinder! Your nemesis!”

PETER: “I thought he was my nemesis!”

SYLAR: “Petrelli. How many times do I have to kill you before you wise up and stay dead?”

PETER: “I’ll be happy to die as many times as it takes to keep you from destroying the world, monster!”

SYLAR: “Why would I want to destroy the world?”

MOHINDER AND PETER: [in unison] “Huh?”

SYLAR: “We’ve developed a serum that permanently destroys the abilities of evolved humans. So there aren’t any more special people. Well, except for me. I really am the most special person in existence now.”

PETER: “So, what? Now you’re free to rampage and terrorize the entire world?”

SYLAR: “Oh, Peter. You have no real imagination. Sooner or later, a man has to start thinking about his legacy, and how he wants to be remembered. There’s no terrorizing going on. Anywhere. Who would be strong enough to lift a finger against me? There’s no more war. There’s no more hunger; I’ve stopped the melting of the polar ice caps and creating a self-sustaining weather pattern that brings gentle rains to the Sahara and Gobi deserts, turning them into breadbaskets for the world. There’s less and less disease – when you can see what makes things tick, it doesn’t take long to figure out cures for everything from the common cold to cancer.”

MOHINDER: “You developed the cure for cancer in this future?”

SYLAR: “Would you like to see the Nobel Prize I received for it? It’s over there in the trophy case. Third shelf, fifth one over. I appreciate the Committee’s zeal in honoring my abilities, but I must admit, it gets a little tedious after the twelfth Prize.”

MOHINDER: [in a quiet whisper] “Peter, the cure-for-cancer Nobel used to be mine.”

PETER: “Well, you have to admit...it’s not that bad of a tradeoff. No more war...no more famine...”

SYLAR: “My subjects started calling me Supreme Lord without prodding. They’re happy to have me in charge. Stability and peace are good for business. The people adore me. And I tolerate all of them. Except for you, Petrelli.”

MOHINDER: “I can’t believe this. You recognize Peter, but not me? The guy who tied you up and stabbed you with needles? Mohinder Suresh?”

SYLAR: “Your name is Suresh? Are you related to my wife?”

MOHINDER: “Oh, fuck.”

SYLAR: [chuckles] “If you’re into bondage, you definitely must be related to her.”

MOHINDER: “Peter, for the love of all that is holy, get us out of here!”

Trip the Eighth

PETER: “OK, we put things back the way they were, giving your sister the virus and making sure that your parents conceived you.”

MOHINDER: “And it does seem to have had an effect.”

PETER: “Yeah, but not necessarily a good one. Why is it so dark in here?”

VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS: “Who’s there? And how did you get in here?”

PETER: “Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Why is Sylar still here?”

SYLAR: [stepping out of shadows] “That’s Supreme Lord Sylar to you, Petrelli. Mohinder – I thought you were staying late at your lab tonight. What are you doing with this insect? And how did he manage to come back from the grave?”

MOHINDER: “So you do know me, now?”

SYLAR: “Oh, Mohinder. We...know...each other quite well.”

MOHINDER: “Pardon me?”

PETER: “I think he means...um...” [his face turns red and he whispers in Mohinder’s ear]

MOHINDER: “Oh, fuck.”

PETER: “Wait a minute. What exactly are you doing, as ‘Supreme Lord’?”

SYLAR: “Well, sooner or later, a man has to start thinking about his legacy, and how he wants to be remembered...”

PETER: [whispering to Mohinder, as Sylar drones on in the background about peace and prosperity] “Look, at least it’s not your sister that he’s sleeping with.”

MOHINDER: “So you’re saying I should just accept a world where Sylar and I are lovers?”

PETER: “It’s for the good of humanity. Besides, the universe seems determined to make you gay anyway.”

MOHINDER: “May I remind you, the universe also seems determined to make you dead?”

PETER: “After reading Sylar’s mind about the things he and you have done in bed, I’m frankly forward to death.”

Trip the Ninth

PETER: “Mom? Oh, thank heaven you’re back. Look, this time, we stopped Joseph McCarthy from coming to a position of power.”

MOHINDER: “Our goal was to stop the rise of the repressive culture of the 1950s, and the fear and tension that resulted from it. We wanted to bring about openness, to create a climate where special people could exhibit their abilities without worry.”

PETER: “Mom? Why are you staring at us like that?”

ANGELA: “It’s just...I thought you were dead. Both of you.”

PETER AND MOHINDER: [in unison] “Huh?”

ANGELA: “It’s true, we do live in a uniquely open and tolerant culture. The race riots of the late 1960s never happened – Dr. King’s message of brotherhood was heeded. There have been three female presidents. Specials do indeed openly display their talents, and the Company is beloved for its charitable works, as it encourages them to use those talents to help the needy.”

MOHINDER: “Peter...we’ve finally done it. We’ve created a utopia.”

PETER: “But we’re dead!”

MOHINDER: “What was that you said earlier about ‘a small price to pay’?”

ANGELA: “Yes, you are indeed dead. I begged you two not to go mountain-climbing on your honeymoon, but as usual, you wouldn’t listen to me.”

MOHINDER: “Oh, this is just becoming ludicrous.”

PETER: “But...I’m not gay!”

MOHINDER: “Saying that hasn’t done me a fat lot of good, now, has it?”

PETER: “And even if I were gay, I’d like to think I’d have enough taste not to settle for Maya’s sloppy seconds.”

MOHINDER: “Excuse me?!?”

ANGELA: “The slope you were climbing was unstable. The landslide must have knocked you both unconscious immediately, since you weren’t able to teleport to safety. The one thing we do know is that it crushed your skull so thoroughly that even you couldn’t regenerate. And after only 3 days of marriage. Your oldest brother was inconsolable.”

MOHINDER: “About his death? Or about him marrying someone else?”

PETER: “Wait a minute. How could two guys be on a honeymoon?”

ANGELA: “Why, gay marriage has been legal since 1977. And speaking of sloppy seconds...I have to admit, I wasn’t very supportive of your relationship. Mohinder’s incessant cheating...well, I could understand that comic book artist; he was quite tasty. I could forgive his dalliance with Claude; after all, an invisible man is in perfect position to stalk his way into one’s bed. But I had to draw the line when he stooped to seducing your brother.”

MOHINDER: “You’re telling me that I slept with Senator Petrelli.”

ANGELA: “No, no. You slept with my other son, Gabriel. Gabriel! Come in here! And hurry!”

SYLAR: [enters room and smiles happily] “Peter! Peter, you’re alive! Thank the Lord – it’s a miracle! And...Mohinder...” [his voice trails off into a purr]

MOHINDER: “My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil’s own Satanic herd.”

SYLAR: “I don’t know how you managed it, but all that matters is, you’re back. And we can all be one big happy family.” [He engulfs both Peter and Mohinder in an uncomfortably tight hug] “One big, happy, extremely close and loving family.”

PETER AND MOHINDER: [in unison] “Oh, fuck.”

 
 
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 56 comments — Leave a comment )
Shonaille: HRG brings all the girls and boys to thekalikahuntress on September 26th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I love you, this is frakin' awesome. This how you do crack and keep in character Heroes, please learn this one day.
squills: Blackadder betasquills on September 26th, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I thought it was amusing, but you never know whether other people will agree. I'm glad you liked it!!!
greyelveneyes on September 26th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
BEST. STORY. EVER.

If I quoted my favorite parts, I'd totally be quoting most of this. I loved that there are history lessons and "what-ifs" and the most amazingly awesome crack-but-still-in-character-characterization.

PETER: “Okay. Look. If we built a large wooden badger–”

Monty Python reference FTMFW!

AND

“I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?”

LMAO. I totally lost it at this point. And then every point after that where Mohinder is still sleeping with Sylar. SO HILARIOUS.

+mem, liek whoa
squills: Mo & Sylar lj dramasquills on September 26th, 2008 07:42 pm (UTC)
I have NO IDEA where the Monty Python reference came from, but once it appeared in my brain, I couldn't stop laughing at it. So I figured, SOMEONE else out there would have to find it funny too! LOL

I'm incredibly glad you liked it! XD
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.: heroes - zach and milo omgz sylarbrandinsbabe on September 26th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
OK, you completely win at life. this was the best story ever

MOHINDER: “Boyfriend? What...” [turns to Peter] “I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?"

that had me cracking up for a good minute lol. oh man, im still laughing. thanks for this :)
squills: Mo & Sylar List!squills on September 26th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
Poor sweet Mo. He can be so clueless sometimes, I kind of pictured him having that kind of reaction...

"What? You're not Zane Taylor, you're Sylar?"

"What? The Company lied to me about working on the virus?"

"What? I'm gay?"


I'm glad you enjoyed it! XD
(no subject) - etoiledunord on September 26th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - brandinsbabe on September 27th, 2008 03:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
widestance75 on September 26th, 2008 07:16 pm (UTC)
So happy to see fic from you pop up on my flist! SO HAPPY!

This was hysterical perfection, truly. I don't want to quote the whole thing, so I just picked 3 lines.

Peter, how many times do I have to arrange for you and your brother’s deaths before you accept that I know more about saving the future than you do?” Loved it!

“Boyfriend? What...” [turns to Peter] “I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?” Oh, Mohinder. Denial.

Your oldest brother was inconsolable.”
MOHINDER: “About his death? Or about him marrying someone else?”
HEE!

This was just great! I really love the concept of these 2 traveling through time messing everything up. :)

Love!
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! I thought it was hilarious, but that doesn't necessarily mean other people will think it is. I just can't believe how many slashy comments I managed to fit into a story that is actually gen and doesn't have any actual romantic scenes in it... XD

Thanks so much!!!
etoile du nord: gleeetoiledunord on September 26th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
My first reaction: Squills fic! Yay!!

My second reaction: Ooh, sounds interesting!

My third reaction: Wait, what? Crack? Huh.

Every reaction after that: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!

This was brilliant. I scared my (mostly deaf) dog with my laughter. This historical detail was particularly amusing. Somehow, I get the impression that Peter wouldn't really consider stuff like that. ^_^ And poor gay Mohinder. Too good. XD
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! And I apologize profusely to your poor dog. XD

Every so often, my brain gets into a crack mood, and I can manage something like this. I'm just relieved that other people thought it was as funny as I did!
original_tinks: zq-happy!original_tinks on September 26th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
My favourite part!

MOHINDER: “So you’re saying I should just accept a world where Sylar and I are lovers?”

PETER: “It’s for the good of humanity. Besides, the universe seems determined to make you gay anyway.”

MOHINDER: “May I remind you, the universe also seems determined to make you dead?"

=D WIN!

squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
Mohinder is always best when he's snarking at other people, isn't he? Thanks a lot - I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
Ali: The Professor aka Mohinder Sureshalicambs on September 26th, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
I sniggered myself silly in this one.

MOHINDER: “My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil’s own Satanic herd.”

Cries with laughter...
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC)
I have to admit, that unfortunately that line is not original. It's a line from a Blackadder episode. However, when I asked myself what poor Mohinder would say in response to learning he cannot escape Sylar, the Blackadder line just popped into my head. And it was so funny to imagine him saying that in his proper British accent, that I had to leave it in.

I'm so glad you liked the crack!
nothingtosay on September 26th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
MOHINDER: “My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil’s own Satanic herd.”


That is where I lost it.
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Blackadder quotes are always great, aren't they? XD

I'm so happy that my crack was hilarious in thine eyes.
Linseypyjamagurl on September 26th, 2008 09:09 pm (UTC)
This is so funny!! I love how fate is determined to have Peter dead and Mohinder gay, it is hilarious! I love their reactions to every change they make, and Angela's explanations of what happened like Peter is being an idiot.

Great cracky fun, I love it!
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
Angela is just always awesomely snarky, isn't she? I'm really glad that you liked it!!! :0)
nyx_chan: Hit menyx_chan on September 26th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
LMAO!

I LOVE YOU! It's so made of awesome! I never ever could imagen anything as cracktastic as this masterpiece!
My stomach hurts so much of laughing.

On the one hand I wished it's never stopped but on the other hand I've just died. XDDD~

Thank you so very very much for writing this!! *____*
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! I thought it was hilarious when I wrote it, but I worried that maybe other people wouldn't find it as funny. It's really great to know that you liked it (even if it killed you)! XD
levitatethislevitatethis on September 26th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)
I must take this moment to declare that I am in love with you :-) You took a simple offhand comment from me about Peter and Mohinder and turned it into one of the funniest and strangest stories I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

I love how each section seems to build upon the previous one, becoming increasingly insane as it goes along. Knowing their intentions are good, that their hearts are in the place, is all fine and well but they do some serious manipulative damage.

I adore how the set up to each section is the same: Peter and Mohinder have this amusing back and forth, finishing each others sentences, announcement of their arrival only to be greeted by Angela who succinctly cuts them off at the legs each and every time. And she does it in this informative yet deadpan way that just cracks me up. Peter and Mohinder's responses are classic especially as Mohinder starts questioning how he's gay in so many of the timelines (only to be trumped the discovery of being a little too intimate with Sylar...Gabriel...).

Great use of various historical events to suggest the grand scale of the sheer extent of what they've fracked up. Then again I guess when Peter and Mohinder set out to do good things they aim way high...which means the fall is way hard.

Mohinder's reaction to hearing he won Nobel Prize is perfect. All too willing to tell Peter to shove it so that he can bask in some sort of wonderful accomplishment only to be willing to give it up since acceptance means welcoming the knowledge of he and Gabriel being together.

Trip Number Six is one of my favourites. It's so completely WTF and them not even trying to figure it out got a huge laugh out of me...Mr. Miggles :-)

Supreme Lord Sylar...and I can only imagine what Peter sees in his mind regarding Mohinder. Although I am taken with the idea of Sylar doing lots of good with his ability and still managing to keep himself as the most unique, most special person ever. I love that half of Mohinder's complaint in this timeline is that Sylar has the Nobel Prize that should be his...that was in his grasp during the earlier trip.

And the last trip is far too on the ball given the beginning of season three. Gabriel as the other Petrelli (happy to see Peter, purring at seeing Mohinder)...and Mohinder (in so many timelines) hooking up with him (meant to be, right?)...and them all living as this very very very close family.

Thank you so much for writing this. You rock my world.

squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
I wish I could give the decent in-depth reply that your lovely analysis deserves, but I've been offline for 5 days and am trying to catch up at work, so I'll have to be brief. But I really liked the concept of Supreme Lord Sylar essentially accidentally doing good. The implication is that in this future, he didn't manage to get immortality, so eventually he starts realizing he doesn't want to his name to turn into a hated curse. Once again, his actions are totally selfishly motivated. That was one of the serious moments I wrote, when he says that his subjects love him but he tolerates them - they're just objects to reflect his self-love back at him.

Overall though, I was just aiming for insane hilarity. I was having a hard time not laughing out loud at it, and I was very nervous that other people might not find it as funny. But I think I may have set a record for the number of unique commenters on a fic, so hopefully that's a sign that it worked out well. And I'm unbelievably glad that you liked it!!!
Lena: advancescapeofstorm on September 26th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, fuck sums up this fic quite perfectly. Thank you for writing it, for the crackiness, it made me feel so much better and forget about my flu.

And why is the Universe so determined to make Mohinder gay? I have no idea */sarcasm*

+Mem!
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad it made you feel better! And I have no idea why the universe would think Mohinder was gay. It's not like he even has sexual chemistry with inanimate objects, or anything... ;0)

Thanks so much!!!
shimmereeshimmeree on September 27th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
lmao...hilarious. Poor Mohinder.
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
Poor Mohinder...I always seem to put him through the most stressful situations. And I always promise to make it up to him, but I never do...

Thanks - I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
Mistress Titania: Petrelli's you make me squeemisstitania on September 27th, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
OMG! I'm laughing so hard I can't breath. That was just made of awesome! I don't think I have a favorite part, it was all brilliant! Just win!
squills: Peter - the internet is for pornsquills on October 1st, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much - I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much!!! XD
barhaven: ♥barhaven on September 27th, 2008 03:10 am (UTC)
I love you for writing this. Peter and Mohinder both seem to have a bad habit of their screw-ups being directly proportional to their good intentions, so what's more entertaining than them screwing up TOGETHER? XD

"Peter, how many times do I have to arrange for you and your brother’s deaths before you accept that I know more about saving the future than you do?”

LISTEN TO YOUR MOM, PETER.

SYLAR: “Your name is Suresh? Are you related to my wife?”
MOHINDER: “Oh, fuck.”
SYLAR: [chuckles] “If you’re into bondage, you definitely must be related to her.”


This made me laugh the most for some reason. Bondage fun runs in the family!

I could keep quoting stuff, but...yeah. So much LOL. I loved the consequences of changing history every time. And the universe's apparently determination to have Peter dead and Mohinder gay. At this rate the original dystopia is probably starting to look not so bad, hee.
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:48 pm (UTC)
Peter and Mohinder both seem to have a bad habit of their screw-ups being directly proportional to their good intentions, so what's more entertaining than them screwing up TOGETHER? XD

EXACTLY. I'm so glad that levitatethis mentioned it, because otherwise my brain would never have come up with this. But we all need some insanity occasionally. And yes...I figure the original dystopia starts to look more and more appealing. At least in that one, Mohinder didn't know it was Sylar who was keeping him so close...

I'm so glad you enjoyed this one!!!
Mad Maudlin: YEE!piping_hot on September 27th, 2008 03:16 am (UTC)
Wow - not only was it fabulously hilarious, but OMG I love your alternate histories! So. Much. :D You will at life today. *nod*

Also HEE! Peter having to explain the gayness to Mohinder and how he always ends up gay. Laughing out loud, well chortling, to that. :D
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
I had almost as much fun thinking up the ways that the alternate histories could turn out, as I did thinking up the insanity. I'm extremely glad you enjoyed it all!!! XD
catoasapuncatoasapun on September 27th, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

This was awesome! I can't even think where to begin with a comment, but suffice it to say I loved every line.
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much - I'm really glad you liked it!!! :0)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW.: sylar drinks your milkshake.likewinning on September 27th, 2008 07:21 am (UTC)
MOHINDER: “Boyfriend? What...” [turns to Peter] “I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you've killed me.

As much as I loved it, season three has scared me off fic for the last few days, so this was EXACTLY the kind of insanity I needed. There were SO many awesome lines, but my second favorite might be this:
Your oldest brother was inconsolable.”

MOHINDER: “About his death? Or about him marrying someone else?”


Seriously, this is so, so awesome, especially because I can - sadly - see both of them getting into a mess like this. Poor Mohinder.
squills: Mo & Sylar lj dramasquills on October 1st, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
When you think about it, both Mohinder and Peter really have the best of intentions. But somehow, it always goes wrong for them, no matter how hard they try. I'm so glad you enjoyed the insanity!!! XD
bonniesrgbonniesrg on September 27th, 2008 09:12 am (UTC)
Haha I love Momo consistantly gay, even if he won;t admit it himself we all know it's true.
And Momo being with Sylar in many changed timelines, true wub.

This had me in hysterics.
squills: Mo & Sylar lj dramasquills on October 1st, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
true wub.

I know. The poor guy - he should just accept it, and be happy! LOL

I'm really glad you enjoyed this one!!!
Violet Anchovyviolet_anchovy on September 27th, 2008 09:43 pm (UTC)
WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: [sharply] “Mr. Miggles! How many times do I have to tell you, keep your big ol’ paws off the sofa!” [A Great Dane guiltily trots out of the room]

AAH! Bizarro world!

SYLAR: “Your name is Suresh? Are you related to my wife?”

MOHINDER: “Oh, fuck.”


*gigglesnort* Sylanti OTP!

MOHINDER: “My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil’s own Satanic herd.”

Hee! Is this original or a reference to something?

Anyway, this was awesome. XD
squills: Blackadder betasquills on October 1st, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
I wish I could claim authorship of the "cowpats" line. However, it's a line of dialogue from Blackadder, which I occasionally say out loud when I'm in a situation where I'd really like to swear but I can't. And when I asked myself what Mohinder would say upon realizing that he can never escape Sylar, I immediately heard his cultured accent sighing out that line. And I laughed so much, I had to leave it in.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. I loved writing it, but I was afraid I might have been smoking my own crack... ;0)
je suis marxiste, tendance Groucho: Sylar eats ice creamshinealightonme on September 28th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
This fic is quite possibly the most delightful heroes crack that I've ever read. Angela is hysterical in this one - every time she said "Charming" I burst into giggles. Love, love, love Mohinder's constant insistence that he's not gay, and the constant evidence to the contrary. I think the fifth trip and the last trip were my favorites - Mohinder being so excited about getting the Nobel prize but then freaking out over Sylar, and of course the inappropriate Petrelli family relationships in the last trip. And Angela referring to Isaac as "quite tasty?" You win so many points for that.
miss_misomiss_miso on September 28th, 2008 03:59 am (UTC)
Adding my voice to the deafening chorus: this is fucking AWESOME! Now, I lurve Heroes more than chocolate, and Peter in particular, but this is just genius. I loved it all.

PETER: “But maybe you’re right. Maybe if we work together cautiously, maybe, just maybe, we can finally find a way to set a good course for the world! Maybe...maybe both of our wrongnesses can make a rightful future!”

MOHINDER: “Peter, are you high?”


You win at life. That is all.
aunt_zeldaaunt_zelda on September 28th, 2008 01:40 pm (UTC)
...
KENSEI APPROVAL!
I haven't laughed that much since I got accidentally high off of sudafed! Angela was FANTASTIC and all the futures where Mylar is canon and Mohinder/Claude WFT?!
(Prepare yourself for a big damn comment.)

MOHINDER: “Frankly, I’m a little more concerned about your statement regarding my boyfriend dying. I can assure you, I’m not gay.”
ANGELA: “You might not be correct about that. You did, after all, spend three weeks crying in our spare bedroom after his death.”
MOHINDER: “But I’m not gay!”
ANGELA: “I found your devotion to Captain Parkman rather...charming. If it makes you feel any better, the survivors told us that he died bravely. Or, at least, not too stupidly.”
MOHINDER: “Parkman? Parkman? I was sleeping with Parkman? Dear Lord...”
PETER: “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it.”

BAHAHAHHAHAHHHAAHHAAAA!!! Mohinder WOULD cry for three weeks in a spare bedroom and STILL insist that he isn't gay ...

MOHINDER: “Peter? Could I see you in private, for a second?”
PETER: “Okay. Look. If we built a large wooden badger–”

*sporfleDIEZ*

Mohinder ... created a cure for cancer? Oh, and 'Natalie' and 'Penelope' (not 'Petrova?' Tsk tsk!)

MOHINDER: “Boyfriend? What...” [turns to Peter] “I’m not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I’m gay?”
*passes out*

ANGELA: “But, I suppose there’s no stopping true love.”
MOHINDER: “Peter...FIX THIS!”

*whaps Mohinder on the head* That was my favorite future!

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: [sharply] “Mr. Miggles! How many times do I have to tell you, keep your big ol’ paws off the sofa!” [A Great Dane guiltily trots out of the room]
PETER: “Yeah...okay...this time, YOU get to pick what we change.”

... weird.

MOHINDER: “You developed the cure for cancer in this future?”
Awwww, Momo is JEALOUS!

MOHINDER: “You don’t recognize me? It’s Mohinder! Your nemesis!”
PETER: “I thought he was my nemesis!”

*shakes head* Oh boys ...

MOHINDER: “I can’t believe this. You recognize Peter, but not me? The guy who tied you up and stabbed you with needles? Mohinder Suresh?”
SYLAR: “Your name is Suresh? Are you related to my wife?”
MOHINDER: “Oh, fuck.”
SYLAR: [chuckles] “If you’re into bondage, you definitely must be related to her.”
MOHINDER: “Peter, for the love of all that is holy, get us out of here!”

*kaSNORT* Oh MY ... bahahahhahhhahhahaa!

MOHINDER: “So you’re saying I should just accept a world where Sylar and I are lovers?”
PETER: “It’s for the good of humanity. Besides, the universe seems determined to make you gay anyway.”
MOHINDER: “May I remind you, the universe also seems determined to make you dead?”
PETER: “After reading Sylar’s mind about the things he and you have done in bed, I’m frankly forward to death.”

*drools* YOU can die, Peter, I'll fetch popcorn!

MOHINDER: “Oh, this is just becoming ludicrous.”
PETER: “But...I’m not gay!”
MOHINDER: “Saying that hasn’t done me a fat lot of good, now, has it?”

Hee hee hee!

Your oldest brother was inconsolable.”
MOHINDER: “About his death? Or about him marrying someone else?”

HA HA! (Ew ...)

SYLAR: “I don’t know how you managed it, but all that matters is, you’re back. And we can all be one big happy family.” [He engulfs both Peter and Mohinder in an uncomfortably tight hug] “One big, happy, extremely close and loving family.”
Oh my ...
um hi excuse me: Sistersangary on September 28th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is fantastic! I love Ma Petrelli even more in here, and how destructive Peter and Mohinder's actions turn out to be. My favorite thing about this fic is the running joke of Mohinder's sexuality, and the ending took the joke even one step further. I also love how Mohinder's all eager to find out how he won the Nobel Prize, the Monty Python reference, and the part with Sandra had me laughing for quite a while.

Awesome, awesome job *Adds to memories*
Helen: blackadder_herdigrayne on September 29th, 2008 10:14 pm (UTC)
Haha! OMG I loled so har, monty python and blackadder references. :P

Oh, Mohinder. We...know...each other quite well.”

LOLOLOL!!! XD
( 56 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>